why not start a blog, here goes..

I was sitting on the couch, drinking some Good Earth Tea and reading the most recent Real Simple Magazine when I noticed a little quote at the end of the teabag string. It reminded me of my freshman year of high school. I was so thirsty for truth. I looked for it everywhere. Looked on the end of teabag strings, inside of fortune cookies, inside of quote books. I remember one such book and marking pages with the quotes that I connected with the most. But I also looked into sunsets, blades of grass and vines that wrapped around buildings. Had accepted Jesus the summer before high school and wanted to see God everywhere. It was a magical time. Well, not in the fairy-tale way…more like a time of wonder. There was wonder everywhere. I was living in the grace of God. Actually saw the world differently. When people say they are “born-again” it sounds strange. What it was for me, I was that young child discovering the world for the first time, it was like that. Always looking for beauty. Always looking for truth. My English teacher, who I actually didn’t like, wrote a quote on the whiteboard each morning. I copied them down in my notebook. I remember reading the bible and it was like God was speaking directly to me, to my life. My baptism was another time of renewal. God cleansed my spirit when I was baptized in the ocean. The water was the physical sign and that day I felt clean in spirit. It has never been like this since. I believe that God gave me this as a blessing and that it is how it will be in heaven. Completely cleansed in spirit. Here I got that moment, but then I started sinning and it went away. But I know what it’s like. To be freed from sin. From all that pulls me down and lies to me that I’m bad. I thank God for that. This is why it’s difficult for me to really understand the experience of those who don’t have a defining moment (or two, or three) like I did. But they probably don’t understand me either. Today I pray that God would invite me into His Grace so that I could taste just a little of my former experience. But in His wisdom I probably won’t go back to that place. That same place of wonder. I will though, have moments of it. But it may not be every breathing moment as it was before.

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1 Comment

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One response to “why not start a blog, here goes..

  1. Sarah

    That’s really interesting, Hailey – your “baby Christian” experience. What I remember about mine is learning and growing so quickly that I thought, at this rate, I am going to be so incredibly wise and faithful and good when I’m old! I didn’t realize it was going to be just like a baby growing – the development rate slows considerably after the first year or two. 🙂

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